I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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