I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
