There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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