do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
