Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
