My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
