that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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