Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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