There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
