I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
