Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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