In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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