How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
