so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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