So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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