Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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