actually, I'm a sock model
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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