Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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