the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
