did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
