We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
