I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
