i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
