I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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