Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
