We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
