Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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