Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
