i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
