If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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