Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
