the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
