I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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