@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
