tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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