You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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