man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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