Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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