I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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