I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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