You don't have asthma, your pregnant
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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