I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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