I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We had to coat check the pizza.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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