So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
