She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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