areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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