So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
