If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
