I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
