how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
