there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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