if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
