we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
