it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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