just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She announced her abortion via fbk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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