just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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