A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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