areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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