my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
