i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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