So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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