u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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