having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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