guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
