I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
