I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
