I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
