took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
