The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize