Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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