i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
