Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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