dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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