we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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