rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize