I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
