new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
