If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sext me about skeletons
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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